I really wish I had seen I Am Legend before I wrote that “Ode to the Betterment of a Zombie” post, because it would have helped me out. I saw it for the first time with Boyfriend this weekend (Why yes, I am mimicking Allie from Hyperbole and a Half because she is awesome and I want to be awesome too). Apparently, there’s an alternate ending to the original, which apparently consists of Intense Mumbling Lady and Scared Mute Child escaping while Crazed Will Smith dies. Boyfriend was as confused as I was when Unexpected Alternate Ending showed us that zombies have feelings and don’t like it when you take all of their friends and unintentionally kill them with something meant to turn them human again, and if you do decide to kidnap all of their friends and unintentionally kill them with something meant to turn them human again, they will hunt you down, cause you to set your house on fire, infect your dog, and bash their skulls against your bullet-proof glass until you hand them back the girl with the dragon–er, butterfly tattoo. Trust me, you don’t want a horde of hippie zombies bashing their skulls against your bullet proof glass. All they want is peace and love, man. And all the Will Smith overlord wants to do is bring them down. They’re just fighting against the establishment. In all seriousness, that ending only made partial sense, and even then it seemed incredibly forced. Sure, the zombified people still had some higher brain functions, which allowed them to mimic Crazed Will Smith’s traps, and it’s obvious that they operate under the strict direction of a leader, but by the end of the movie they’ve somehow developed complex human feelings like love and fear and all of that is just dumped on you at the end.
In other news, my weekend was amazing. There was Boyfriend and I huddled under a tree in the middle of a Dorney Park Downpour, trying to enjoy custard and an Icee with so many raindrops in it that there were little holes in our snacks. It was pretty much the best day ever *insert little anime smiley face thing here* And there goes WordPress killing the moment by suggesting I link this blog to every Wikipedia page about Will Smith, zombies, and Icee’s ever created. Icees? Icii? Is there a plural for Icee/Icii? Fine, slushies. Are you happy now, gods of ambiguous grammatical rules?
Also, “Zombies in a Downpour” is pretty much the best name for a blog ever. Someone should make one.